Good day, This has been a long time coming and a feel this needs to be done in other to clear the air and erase some irrefutable controversies.
Firstly, a man without a vision is not fit to live. A man without a vision of the kind of wife he wants is even worse. Marriage is a very delicate institution which is a lifelong commitment and which needs not to be dealt with kid’s glove. A man or woman’s purpose been achieved relies on the marriage he has… a statistics conducted a few years back showed that 80% of people who made it to the peak of their endeavors were in good and perfect marriages and went on to say that most career flops had links to bad divorces or unhealthy marriage. According to Fela Durotoye, the three types of men are:
• The Scavenger : The scavenger is a man who capitalises on a “dead” and “lifeless” woman. Scavengers look for women with low self – esteem, filled with pity and act like victims of life. These men prefer ladies with no inner strength that are always begging for sympathy or for someone, anyone to love them. Scavengers enjoy “no resistance” as they ravage their victims.
• The Hunter: The hunter seeks to trap a luscious “game”, with the sole intention of devouring her; with only a remnant of a carcass. He looks for a beautiful intelligent woman, whom he considers to be a prize possession. This guy isn’t in the hunt, just to fulfill his desires, no, he’s after what hunters regard as “BIG GAME”. He’s looking for the “Big 5”. These are the 5 most difficult animals to catch on foot. The collection consists of the lion, the African elephant, the African Buffalo, the leopard and the rhinoceros, either the black rhinoceros or the white rhinoceros. The members of the big five were chosen for the difficulty in hunting them.
• The Gardener: Now, this is God’s intention for what a husband should be! This man sees his wife as a seed. He recognises that a seed is a tree in disguise! His responsibility is to nurture and bring out the best from her. He is a GROOMSMAN. One of the things a gardener does is to create the right environment for the seed to grow. He teaches her, watches her to grow and be the best husband he can be. Looks at his wife’s vision and nurtures it patiently. Another thing the gardener does is to prune her. Pruning means to “cut back”. So he cuts back her excesses. It reminds me of those wall plants that grow so long, over other fences and eventually becomes a nuisance to everyone. Sometimes, cutting back is a painful process to the plant, but it is necessary for the plant to develop the tenacity for explosive growth. He cuts excessive, improper behaviour, value systems and friendships. But this in all is done in love with the aim to make her better. He enlightens and encourages her to be all that she can be, to do all that she can do and to enjoy all that she can have.
An important notion I will like to dispel is a man/woman waiting for the ‘perfect one’ even in the face of one being unfit for that. Both should aim to be the perfect complement to another. I shall briefly state some attributes which are not bogus and hard to meet.
1.) ARE YOU THE RIGHT WOMAN?
What kind of wife would your dream husband be looking for?
Single ladies,please remember that as a woman thinks in her heart, so she “is”; not “will be”. Simply put, your thoughts, values, habits and words can tell any man, the kind of wife that you “are”, even though you are not married yet. Don’t wait to be a good wife but start to be a good wife in your thoughts, actions, ambitions and preparations.
Ladies, please recognise that “guys DATE chics and then go on to MARRY wives”. If the truth be told, there are too many Christian chics and too few Christian wives (or “wife material”) today. Ask yourself, “Am I a chic or a wife?” Who must I BE to attract who I WANT. Sister, the man of your dreams isn’t hanging around in a bar or at a club, so what are you doing there?
2.) YOU ARE WHO YOU ATTRACT…I’M SERIOUS
Write down the list of qualities that you want your husband to have. Now look at that list carefully. What have you written? God fearing, Intelligent, Good Communicator, Gainfully employed, Clean, Fun, has a car, apartment, has money etc.
Now, ask yourself, does your list consist more of “what he has” or “who he is”? If it’s driven by what he has, then, you may be driven by the external props and anybody can fake that. “Sharp” guys can borrow their friends’ cars, apartment, money etc..lol but the intangible of “who he is” cannot be faked. Character, truth, integrity, passion can’t be faked. If you want a God fearing man, ARE YOU GOD FEARING? If you want an intelligent man, ARE YOU INTELLIGENT? You want a man who’s gainfully employed, DO YOU HAVE A JOB?…..think on this well.
3.) ARE YOU AMBITIOUS?
This is a very important- yet often ignored question, most ladies believe their lives begin when they get married but in truth: Your life has actually begun long ago…Marriage is just a continuity of it. I took a survey weeks back by asking a few female friends where they picture themselves in 5 years time…most just pictured themselves married and nothing else. The truth is that an unambitious or unfocused woman would NOT be respected by men/ her husband. Men always value focused and SUBMISSIVE women (emphasis mine). And going back to the 3rd point “YOU ARE WHO YOU ATTRACT’.