December 2015 #31 days challenge

Hi,

Its been a pretty long time i have posted and this has been due to re-branding and adjustment issues. I promise i won’t be far from you guys.

I am pleased to inform you my frequent readers of a 31day challenge starting December 1st 2015. It would include posts from me and a few guests on topical issues throughout the month. This posts promise to cast a reflection on the concluding year and starting the new year with a bang.

Feel free to share, post your comments and write-ups.

Accepting Changes

Accepting Changes

I remember during the third semester of my MBA program I studied a course called “Organizational Leadership & Change”, I loved the course a lot and I was able to point fingers at people in my office as I read different chapters but as they say ‘it is always easy to see people’s fault but tougher to see yours’.

A topic that caught my attention in the course work, the topic emphasized on various reactions to change and I thought to myself ‘I’m an agent of change mehnnnn (sic)”, “I love change”, “I’m change personified”. This was until I met ‘change’ starring at me in the face and my reactions was so hilarious I then recalled all I read in the course, so I just want to share some lessons I learnt during the period of change in my organization.

Sit back relax and enjoy the story.

On the 13th of August, a few of us at my workplace got called into the Manager’s office to receive letters and I can picture everyone had it on their mind “mehnnnn my promotion letter is here” . But to our greatest surprise we were been redeployed to other duties/department, initially I was like “this cannot be possible” while some people were dancing for joy; some others were crying and some people started searching for numbers of their contact persons at the head office loolllll (OGAs at the top).

I got my letter, looked at it and was like “hmmmmm God has a reason for everything but I was not too happy”. In fact after I got the letter I remembered the MBA course on “Organizational Leadership & Change” and I said to myself “babe cheer up, aren’t you are a change agent? then it became clear to me it is very easy to look out the window and judge people when you are not in their shoes.

I went through four stages before I could accept the change, funny enough these were the same thing we learnt in class, scoffed at and say nah it can’t be me am a change agent.

STAGE 1- DENIAL

I was in denial for almost 5 hours, I was hoping a mistake was made, maybe my department was not meant to be affected, maybe if I pray something will happen, I had so many maybes running through my head and what did I achieve by the maybes, pounding headaches and unnecessary anger, after a while I said to myself. This takes us to the next stage.

STAGE 2- COMING IN TERMS WITH CHANGE

The next day I started accepting the change, then my thoughts changed to well maybe I will like the new duty, maybe this is an open door for me, maybe am coming here to fulfill a particular aspect of God’s plan for me, lol we can see that the maybes still continue which means the headache and anger were still in me but reducing, little by little the anger started fading.

STAGE 3- ACCEPTANCE

Before Friday, I noticed a difference in me I started feeling better even enjoying the idea of the change, by the time I went to meet the person handing over to me and showed a little of her duties I smiled to myself and thought “ahn ahn why u wan come kill yourself since”. Can you imagine I’m being moved to a place I never thought I would enjoy but am having a great time here and am actually glad we were re-shuffled.

So what is the moral lesson in the entire story u might ask (lol), change at first may not look too good or may not be as you planned but you only achieve your goals and desire when you learn to embrace change, move forward and look back at the old and be glad you left it behind.

I know better now how to handle change, change may not come only at work but it cuts across all aspects of our lives, we can experience changes in our relationships, spouses, and friends.

We all have gone through

Every stage of our life comes with changes to contend with and the earlier we learn to embrace change the easier it will be for us to move forward.

There is a saying that CHANGE IS THE ONLY CONSTANT THING IN LIFE

——Dami Aweda
@awedadamilola

RELIGION: A way of life, our Albatross

This write up is not to diss any religion or bring confusion to any belief, it is just the thought of an inquisitive soul that needs lots of clarification and seek answers.

RELIGION is an organized collection of beliefs, cultural systems, and world views that relate humanity to the supernatural, and to spirituality

I belief religion gives a deeper meaning to what life is and helps to bring understanding to as many doubts that we may have and clear our confused minds.
A friend once told me you don’t need any religion to be religious that if you can stay away or successfully overcome the five (5) weaknesses of mine then you are religious, he said the five (5) weaknesses includes anger, sex, greed, emotions and ego, he further said that if these five weaknesses can be minimised to barest minimum then we can say we are religious

WHAT DOES RELIGION MEAN TO YOU?

Every day you meet and interact with people, we all have our beliefs and guiding principles and we learn from these interactions, I was asked one day by an elderly friend ‘what is religion’ and to tell you the truth I found it hard to define I kept going ‘em em em em’ before I could say what I understand by religion. To my own little understanding I see religion as a belief and way of life, a belief that forms the principle in which our life is patterned, the way we think, what we say, how we react to various situations and so many other things.
We all belief in something but the issue now comes when we are to measure how far we take our belief or how much do we allow it to affect our lives. I know it is generally believed that lying is a bad thing to do, but how many people really act what the belief, it is easy to point accusing fingers at other people but how many times have we pointed that same finger to ourselves.
We live in a time where hypocrisy is the order of the day, we no longer live what we preach rather we preach something and act in an opposite way.
I have always questioned my choice of religion, why is it that I believe in what I believe in, is it because I was born in to a Christian family or is it because I chose to be a Christian. Religion is not something that can be chosen for if not you become a hypocrite, you need to make your choice wisely, choose what you believe in and stick to it, don’t be a hypocrite, let people know you for who you are and be able to vouch for you in any situation.

RELIGION: A BLESSING OR CURSE

As I said earlier, every religion has their own belief but when the belief of any religion is morally wrong then it becomes a thing of concern, if a religion believes that anybody not supportive of its believes or religious practices must be slaughtered in the name of a “so called God” then the government of a state has a right to wipe out such religion in order to bring balance to the society, if all religions can follow after all that is been taught then I believe this world will be a better place. Religion should be a thing of blessing and not a torn in the flesh of others, no religion should give right to anybody to take another person’s life.

As I said earlier if we all can live what we preach I think this world will be a better place, if we all can follow according to what is written in the various “HOLY BOOKS” we will live a life of peace. Heb 12:14 said “we should follow peace with all men………….” If we all can take this message of peace across all religions and live tolerant with each other then we can rightly say we are living life.

Written by ‘Dami Aweda

CHILD-RAPE: A menace to the Girl-Child ‘Dami Aweda

            According to the Wikipedia free encyclopedia RAPE can be defined as a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse, initiated by one or more persons against another (weaker/more vulnerable) and without that person’s consent. The act may be carried out by physical force, coercion, abuse of authority or with a person who is incapable of valid consent, such as one who is unconscious, incapacitated, or below the legal age of consent.
A girl child is a female between the age of 0-17 years. Any female below the age of 18years fall under the category of the girl child and is entitled to the basic children right. Discrimination among genders has been a worldwide menace but it is found to be more prevalent in African countries where the birth of a female child met with doom while the birth of a male child is a source of joy and rejoicing to the family. These doesn’t exclude the fact that cases of child rape/molestation don’t occur at western countries.
Rape of the girl child
The rape of the female child has become a frequent item on our daily news as no day passes without reading about one or more rape cases in various areas of the country, children are no longer safe in their homes or schools.
Prior to these times when we talk about rape we imagine grown-ups forcefully having their way with other grown-ups but that’s no longer the case, we have seen, heard and even been close to people who had their children “even as little as day old babies” being raped by fathers, uncles, brothers, teachers and to crown it all up “Men of God”. I wonder what exactly it is that could draws the attention of a fully grown man to a little girl of 3 months of age, what endowments does she possess that can stir his libido? These has also shown that the perpetrators of child-rape also have psychological problems most times. I believe people caught in this wicked act should be subjected to a thorough mental check up before being sentenced to life imprisonment depending on the gravity of the rape.
According to the Lagos State Attorney General and Commissioner for Justice, Ade Ipaye during the monthly press briefing in January 2013, a total of 427 girls were raped in the last year, and this cannot be said to be accurate because there will be many unreported cases that might have gone unnoticed, also our judiciary has not so fair when it comes to rape cases, they subject the rape victims to lots of emotional traumas forcing the rape victims recount the ordeal and giving reasons why they should not be blamed for the rape.
The Attorney General made mention of a rape case involving a pastor and an eleven years old girl who had already carried out 3 abortions for the pastor then that makes one ask why didn’t she report to her parents you ask but what will a little girl say to her parents against a trusted pastor and friend of the family. A friend of mine had a similar brush with a clergyman who was also a friend of the family. Despite her continuous and incessant complaints to her parents about advances from the clergyman they refused to believe her until the rape almost occured. What can be done to curb this menace? What can we do as a people to stop this abnormality and madness? We have to work together to tackle this issue, we cannot leave the training of our children to the hands of total strangers, we should create time for our children, avoid leaving our children with stranger and even some family members, develop a close relationship with your daughters so that they can confide in you and always learn to believe your children and whatever they report to you.These children are our future and we should protect them so that we can have a tomorrow, we need to raise a generation of women that can stand and say no to rape, our judiciary need to mete out stiffer punishments for perpetrators of child rape, we need to come together to protect this young girls. Also, strong and stiffer sanctions should be taken against rapists and proper correctional facilities should be put in place for such victims as the emotional, psychological and physiological effect of rape is very devastating.

‘Damilola Aweda

She’s based in Calabar,Nigeria and tweets via @awedadamilola

THE PARTNER YOU WANT

Good day, This has been a long time coming and a feel this needs to be done in other to clear the air and erase some irrefutable controversies.

MAN
Firstly, a man without a vision is not fit to live. A man without a vision of the kind of wife he wants is even worse. Marriage is a very delicate institution which is a lifelong commitment and which needs not to be dealt with kid’s glove. A man or woman’s purpose been achieved relies on the marriage he has… a statistics conducted a few years back showed that 80% of people who made it to the peak of their endeavors were in good and perfect marriages and went on to say that most career flops had links to bad divorces or unhealthy marriage. According to Fela Durotoye, the three types of men are:
• The Scavenger : The scavenger is a man who capitalises on a “dead” and “lifeless” woman. Scavengers look for women with low self – esteem, filled with pity and act like victims of life. These men prefer ladies with no inner strength that are always begging for sympathy or for someone, anyone to love them. Scavengers enjoy “no resistance” as they ravage their victims.
• The Hunter: The hunter seeks to trap a luscious “game”, with the sole intention of devouring her; with only a remnant of a carcass. He looks for a beautiful intelligent woman, whom he considers to be a prize possession. This guy isn’t in the hunt, just to fulfill his desires, no, he’s after what hunters regard as “BIG GAME”. He’s looking for the “Big 5”. These are the 5 most difficult animals to catch on foot. The collection consists of the lion, the African elephant, the African Buffalo, the leopard and the rhinoceros, either the black rhinoceros or the white rhinoceros. The members of the big five were chosen for the difficulty in hunting them.
• The Gardener: Now, this is God’s intention for what a husband should be! This man sees his wife as a seed. He recognises that a seed is a tree in disguise! His responsibility is to nurture and bring out the best from her. He is a GROOMSMAN. One of the things a gardener does is to create the right environment for the seed to grow. He teaches her, watches her to grow and be the best husband he can be. Looks at his wife’s vision and nurtures it patiently. Another thing the gardener does is to prune her. Pruning means to “cut back”. So he cuts back her excesses. It reminds me of those wall plants that grow so long, over other fences and eventually becomes a nuisance to everyone. Sometimes, cutting back is a painful process to the plant, but it is necessary for the plant to develop the tenacity for explosive growth. He cuts excessive, improper behaviour, value systems and friendships. But this in all is done in love with the aim to make her better. He enlightens and encourages her to be all that she can be, to do all that she can do and to enjoy all that she can have.

WOMEN:
An important notion I will like to dispel is a man/woman waiting for the ‘perfect one’ even in the face of one being unfit for that. Both should aim to be the perfect complement to another. I shall briefly state some attributes which are not bogus and hard to meet.

1.)    ARE YOU THE RIGHT WOMAN?
What kind of wife would your dream husband be looking for?
Single ladies,please remember that as a woman thinks in her heart, so she “is”; not “will be”. Simply put, your thoughts, values, habits and words can tell any man, the kind of wife that you “are”, even though you are not married yet. Don’t wait to be a good wife but start to be a good wife in your thoughts, actions, ambitions and preparations.
Ladies, please recognise that “guys DATE chics and then go on to MARRY wives”. If the truth be told, there are too many Christian chics and too few Christian wives (or “wife material”) today. Ask yourself, “Am I a chic or a wife?” Who must I BE to attract who I WANT. Sister, the man of your dreams isn’t hanging around in a bar or at a club, so what are you doing there?

2.)    YOU ARE WHO YOU ATTRACT…I’M SERIOUS

Write down the list of qualities that you want your husband to have. Now look at that list carefully. What have you written? God fearing, Intelligent, Good Communicator, Gainfully employed, Clean, Fun, has a car, apartment, has money etc.
Now, ask yourself, does your list consist more of “what he has” or “who he is”? If it’s driven by what he has, then, you may be driven by the external props and anybody can fake that. “Sharp” guys can borrow their friends’ cars, apartment, money etc..lol but the intangible of “who he is” cannot be faked. Character, truth, integrity, passion can’t be faked. If you want a God fearing man, ARE YOU GOD FEARING? If you want an intelligent man, ARE YOU INTELLIGENT? You want a man who’s gainfully employed, DO YOU HAVE A JOB?…..think on this well.

3.)    ARE YOU AMBITIOUS?

This is a very important- yet often ignored question, most ladies believe their lives begin when they get married but in truth: Your life has actually begun long ago…Marriage is just a continuity of it. I took a survey weeks back by asking a few female friends where they picture themselves in 5 years time…most just pictured themselves married and nothing else. The truth is that an unambitious or unfocused woman would NOT be respected by men/ her husband. Men always value focused and SUBMISSIVE women (emphasis mine). And going back to the 3rd point “YOU ARE WHO YOU ATTRACT’.

Your Friend,
Dami Cole
@dami_cole