December 2015 #31 days challenge

Hi,

Its been a pretty long time i have posted and this has been due to re-branding and adjustment issues. I promise i won’t be far from you guys.

I am pleased to inform you my frequent readers of a 31day challenge starting December 1st 2015. It would include posts from me and a few guests on topical issues throughout the month. This posts promise to cast a reflection on the concluding year and starting the new year with a bang.

Feel free to share, post your comments and write-ups.

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I’m getting Married!

I’m getting Married!

OK,
Let me introduce you all to the future Mrs Dami Cole…. She’s our delectable contributor lead editor on this blog. Fomerly Miss Damilola Aweda is formally tying the knot with me on December 6th, 2014 in Lagos, Nigeria.
Venue : The Redeemed Christian Church of God, Lagos Province 25 headquarters, Otunba Runsewe Avenue, Ahmadiyah busstop, Lagos- Abeokuta expressway, Lagos at 10:00am.
The Reception follows immediately at La occassionz event centre, Oko-oba.Lagos

So we have a few Pre-wedding pictures which we decided to do.

They were by Youngbishop

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The Prewed Video

Accepting Changes

Accepting Changes

I remember during the third semester of my MBA program I studied a course called “Organizational Leadership & Change”, I loved the course a lot and I was able to point fingers at people in my office as I read different chapters but as they say ‘it is always easy to see people’s fault but tougher to see yours’.

A topic that caught my attention in the course work, the topic emphasized on various reactions to change and I thought to myself ‘I’m an agent of change mehnnnn (sic)”, “I love change”, “I’m change personified”. This was until I met ‘change’ starring at me in the face and my reactions was so hilarious I then recalled all I read in the course, so I just want to share some lessons I learnt during the period of change in my organization.

Sit back relax and enjoy the story.

On the 13th of August, a few of us at my workplace got called into the Manager’s office to receive letters and I can picture everyone had it on their mind “mehnnnn my promotion letter is here” . But to our greatest surprise we were been redeployed to other duties/department, initially I was like “this cannot be possible” while some people were dancing for joy; some others were crying and some people started searching for numbers of their contact persons at the head office loolllll (OGAs at the top).

I got my letter, looked at it and was like “hmmmmm God has a reason for everything but I was not too happy”. In fact after I got the letter I remembered the MBA course on “Organizational Leadership & Change” and I said to myself “babe cheer up, aren’t you are a change agent? then it became clear to me it is very easy to look out the window and judge people when you are not in their shoes.

I went through four stages before I could accept the change, funny enough these were the same thing we learnt in class, scoffed at and say nah it can’t be me am a change agent.

STAGE 1- DENIAL

I was in denial for almost 5 hours, I was hoping a mistake was made, maybe my department was not meant to be affected, maybe if I pray something will happen, I had so many maybes running through my head and what did I achieve by the maybes, pounding headaches and unnecessary anger, after a while I said to myself. This takes us to the next stage.

STAGE 2- COMING IN TERMS WITH CHANGE

The next day I started accepting the change, then my thoughts changed to well maybe I will like the new duty, maybe this is an open door for me, maybe am coming here to fulfill a particular aspect of God’s plan for me, lol we can see that the maybes still continue which means the headache and anger were still in me but reducing, little by little the anger started fading.

STAGE 3- ACCEPTANCE

Before Friday, I noticed a difference in me I started feeling better even enjoying the idea of the change, by the time I went to meet the person handing over to me and showed a little of her duties I smiled to myself and thought “ahn ahn why u wan come kill yourself since”. Can you imagine I’m being moved to a place I never thought I would enjoy but am having a great time here and am actually glad we were re-shuffled.

So what is the moral lesson in the entire story u might ask (lol), change at first may not look too good or may not be as you planned but you only achieve your goals and desire when you learn to embrace change, move forward and look back at the old and be glad you left it behind.

I know better now how to handle change, change may not come only at work but it cuts across all aspects of our lives, we can experience changes in our relationships, spouses, and friends.

We all have gone through

Every stage of our life comes with changes to contend with and the earlier we learn to embrace change the easier it will be for us to move forward.

There is a saying that CHANGE IS THE ONLY CONSTANT THING IN LIFE

——Dami Aweda
@awedadamilola

Ten Principles of Sucess – Myles Munroe (culled)

Let me tell you a story about Myles Munroe, When he was age 16, he started speaking on Leadership and at age 17, the prime minister of his state called his mother’s phone and said “I’d Like to meet your son, Myles went ahead to see him. The prime minister said to him “Do you know you have more influence in my country than I do? Myles was shocked and embarrassed and he replied “ Mr Prime Minister, you are the president of this country, how can a 17years old boy be more powerful than you? And he said “Son you can bring together 5000people in a place without them smoking cigarette, take alcohol and they all gather to listen to you, I can never bring together5000 teenagers in my country, they will never listen to me, and they are the future of my country and you young man control the future of my country. Can you tell me your secret? Myles replied “ Sir I don’t know, I just gather them to tell them what happened in my life, I was in a family of 13, A father, A mother, and 11 children. I remember when I was sleeping on the floor with mosquito bitting me and roaches everywhere and my teacher in school told me “I’m ignorant, I can not learn
anything, Am retarded and am black, am not real
human and he is just wasting his time teaching me, I went to my mum and told her what the teacher told me and my mum said son never say that again and she gave me a book and in that book I learnt who I am and ten principles I needed to possess and that is what made me. My teacher told me blacks are monkeys and not human, and he said am a monkey.. After reading the book I went from F to A’s and was the best student in high school, I got an award and I gave it to the teacher who called me a Monkey, and i told him am a smart monkey, he was embarrassed and he said How did you do it?

NOTE: Don’t let anyone tell you who you are.
Every Human wants to succeed! No one decides
to fail, we all want to achieve. Do you know that your success is good For God? God needs you to succeed. Every manufacturer who makes a product wants the product to succeed. God design seed to be successful to bring forth tree. Seed into the soil and with water and sunlight help the seed to succeed. You need some principles to succeed!

WHAT ARE THE TEN PRINCIPLES?
1) PURPOSE: Purpose is the original
reason for the creation of a thing. E.g A bird was created by God to fly. If it doesn’t fly then it hasn’t fulfil its purpose. You were born to do
something very special, if you don’t find your gift and don’t discover what you are born to do, then- you have failed. You must discover your purpose. The reason behind your creation. Success is measured by what you are born to do. Your purpose is the ideas that keeps coming to your mind. Your purpose is what you complain alot and needs to be changed in your country. The same way a bird is trapped in flight, Your purpose is trapped in you.
DISCOVER YOUR PURPOSE.
2) PASSION: Passion is the desire
stronger than opposition, disappointment and death. A person with passion doesn’t need external motivation, A person with passion is someone who is willing to lose friends, sacrifice their pleasures, doesn’t need alarm clock to wake, A person with passion doesn’t get bored because life itself is really for living. Passion is when you discover your purpose for living.
3) PLANNING: Planning is writing your
dream in a piece of paper. If you don’t document
your dream you don’t want to achieve. Someone
asked “How do you know if your dream is the
right dream?” Here’s the answer, if your dream
only benefits you then its not from God, True
vision and true dreams always benefits others
around you. A young boy was asked “ What’s your dream” He replied “I have a dream to own a
10room apartment next to the beach, Travel all
around the world, eat whatever I want to eat..
That is not a vision, its a personal ambition. Get
a dream in your heart to help other people.
Don’t follow personal ambition. You must put your purpose and passion on Paper.
4) PRINCIPLES: You must live by
principles if you are going to be successful. What are the principles? LAWS! You must live by
principle to protect your purpose. For example,
Myles Munroe lived in a neighbourhood where
people smoke cigarette, marijuana and take all
sort of alcohols, he never snuffed a marijuana
leaf, or drink alcohol or smoke cigarette. When
they offer him these things, he remembered he
wrote his dreams on paper. He knows when he
smoke its gonna hurt his liver, and he is gonna lose his dream. A young girl wants to have sex with him, it sounds good, but he remember he wrote his dreams on paper and when he sleep with her and she gets pregnant, He would be forced to marry her. So he told her, i can’t sleep with you, my dream is more important than Sex. Principles are what you painfully decides and you are not violating.
5) PEOPLE: If you want to be
successful, you must choose the right people to be in your life. Some of you have friends before
reading this, if you read well, you will change your friend after reading this. Who is a friend? A friend is anyone who can help you fulfil your
dreams, who can take you to your destiny, who can help you achieve your vision. If you have a friend who can’t help you to achieve your vision, or can’t take you to your destiny or can’t help you to fulfil your dream is NOT a friend. If your friend tells you, let’s go drink alcohols, he is not a friend, they only want to cancel your dream, You must tell your friends, I read this article and I made some changes and one of the changes I made was YOU. Check your friends out. If you are the smartest amongst your friend, you have to change the group, you need to be among people that can make you grow, ask you question and help you think bigger. You can outgrow your friend. People who are doing
nothing wants you to do it them. People who are
going nowhere wants you to go with them. I want
you to tell them GOODBYE. Your future is
determined by the friends you keep. You cannot
choose your brothers and sisters but you can
choose your friends. Friends are more important
than brothers and sisters. King Solomon said
brothers and sister are for adversity but friends would love you at all times. Don’t be with people who don’t believe your vision. You can be the next president of this country but someone would want you to smoke, drink alcohol have sex and destroy your dream. Protect your dream from people who would destroy it. People can either help you or hurt you. There are 4 types of people
– Multipliers: Those who multiply to your dream
– Substracters: Those who distract you and
substract from your dream.
-Dividers: Those who divide from you and confuse
you.
-Additions: Those who add to your dream
I am here to multiply to your dreams… Am a good
friend!
A book can be the best friend in your life. Books
are good people. Lock the door, turn off the T.V
and speak to a friend through the pages of a book. Stop wasting time and read books. They can keep friend with you. The Eagle is the most successful bird in the world. Eagles fly alone, they dont fly with any other birds. If you are going to be a successful young man, stay away from the crowd, scare away from the gang.
6) PERSISTENCE: You insist on getting
what you dream, you lost everything, people left
you, people disappointed you but never lost your
dream. Persistence is when you decide no matter
what happens am coming back.
7) PATIENCE: No one is successful in a
day/year. Patience is postponing the fulfilment of pleasures. Patience is not complaining, patience is working while you are waiting, Patience is preparing yourself for which you are preparing to recieve. My friend asked me (Myles Munroe) what you going to do after high school, i said i want to go to college,He said he wants to go and work in the gas station and in 4years he will have more money. I knew i didn’t have money but i was patience, My elder sister saw my dream on paper and gave me all the money that she saved for her house and I used the money to go to school, I knew I needed a scholarship and I studied to get a 4.0. your problem is not money, start somewhere. Good news: My company is one of the largest and my sister is the administrative assistant. Do you know who pays her salary? Her younger brother, Do you know who is my financial director?, Her
husband. Do you know who is the director of
multimedia liveshow, Her daughter. She never
knew she gave that money to her boss. Be nice to
someone today.
8) PERSEVERANCE: Perseverance is
gettting up after you fall down. Every successful person is a result of getting back up. If you lose all your money, all your friends, Get back up. Never trust a person who hasn’t survived anything. A hard hands is what you pay to set your people free. Imagine the life of Nelson Mandela. You will never be accepted until you are being totally rejected. When you talk you learn what you know, when you listen you learn what the other man knows, when you are in the midst of great people, Don’t talk, but ask questions. Stop trying to make an easy life, do what is right all the time.
9) POSTERITY: The next generation. If
you are going to be a successful man/woman,
success is measured by what you do for others. Is your dream big enough for the unborn to enjoy it? Think about your dreams, can you transfer what you are doing to the next generation. Success always think of posterity.
10) PRAYER: It is the most important
one. Prayer is daily consulting the one who gave you number one (PURPOSE). God is important, no one knows a product like the manufacturer. You must spend time with him more than anybody else. When you are reading, stop and talk to the manufacturer, when you are driving, talk to him and sometimes don’t talk, Just listen!

Note: Do not seek success, seek to become a
person of value. Make yourself valuable by
discovering your gift and your dream. Your gift
would attract people to you. You were not born for yourself, you were born for us. Do you know that the cemetery is the wealthiest place on earth. Why? Because there in the cemetry are books that were never written, in the grave yard, there are music that were never heard, there are poetry that were never being read, In the cemetry we have dreams that died as night mares. In the graveyard there are schools that never opened, In the grave yard, there are great men who died as alcoholics, In the grave yard there are great women who died as prostitute and drug addicts. The grave yard is so wealthy. It is that same grave yard that made me write this, because I don’t want the grave yard to get an awesome treasure. I wrote this to tell you, Don’t take your dreams, your books, your vision, your ideas to the cemetery. I wrote this to help you die empty. I wrote this because I want you to disappoint the cemetery. I want you to die like a man that said “I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. SEE YOU AT THE TOP.

– This Principles were taught by Myles Munroe at L.E.A.R.N “Time out with the youth” at LTV 27th October, 2013.

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CHILD-RAPE: A menace to the Girl-Child ‘Dami Aweda

            According to the Wikipedia free encyclopedia RAPE can be defined as a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse, initiated by one or more persons against another (weaker/more vulnerable) and without that person’s consent. The act may be carried out by physical force, coercion, abuse of authority or with a person who is incapable of valid consent, such as one who is unconscious, incapacitated, or below the legal age of consent.
A girl child is a female between the age of 0-17 years. Any female below the age of 18years fall under the category of the girl child and is entitled to the basic children right. Discrimination among genders has been a worldwide menace but it is found to be more prevalent in African countries where the birth of a female child met with doom while the birth of a male child is a source of joy and rejoicing to the family. These doesn’t exclude the fact that cases of child rape/molestation don’t occur at western countries.
Rape of the girl child
The rape of the female child has become a frequent item on our daily news as no day passes without reading about one or more rape cases in various areas of the country, children are no longer safe in their homes or schools.
Prior to these times when we talk about rape we imagine grown-ups forcefully having their way with other grown-ups but that’s no longer the case, we have seen, heard and even been close to people who had their children “even as little as day old babies” being raped by fathers, uncles, brothers, teachers and to crown it all up “Men of God”. I wonder what exactly it is that could draws the attention of a fully grown man to a little girl of 3 months of age, what endowments does she possess that can stir his libido? These has also shown that the perpetrators of child-rape also have psychological problems most times. I believe people caught in this wicked act should be subjected to a thorough mental check up before being sentenced to life imprisonment depending on the gravity of the rape.
According to the Lagos State Attorney General and Commissioner for Justice, Ade Ipaye during the monthly press briefing in January 2013, a total of 427 girls were raped in the last year, and this cannot be said to be accurate because there will be many unreported cases that might have gone unnoticed, also our judiciary has not so fair when it comes to rape cases, they subject the rape victims to lots of emotional traumas forcing the rape victims recount the ordeal and giving reasons why they should not be blamed for the rape.
The Attorney General made mention of a rape case involving a pastor and an eleven years old girl who had already carried out 3 abortions for the pastor then that makes one ask why didn’t she report to her parents you ask but what will a little girl say to her parents against a trusted pastor and friend of the family. A friend of mine had a similar brush with a clergyman who was also a friend of the family. Despite her continuous and incessant complaints to her parents about advances from the clergyman they refused to believe her until the rape almost occured. What can be done to curb this menace? What can we do as a people to stop this abnormality and madness? We have to work together to tackle this issue, we cannot leave the training of our children to the hands of total strangers, we should create time for our children, avoid leaving our children with stranger and even some family members, develop a close relationship with your daughters so that they can confide in you and always learn to believe your children and whatever they report to you.These children are our future and we should protect them so that we can have a tomorrow, we need to raise a generation of women that can stand and say no to rape, our judiciary need to mete out stiffer punishments for perpetrators of child rape, we need to come together to protect this young girls. Also, strong and stiffer sanctions should be taken against rapists and proper correctional facilities should be put in place for such victims as the emotional, psychological and physiological effect of rape is very devastating.

‘Damilola Aweda

She’s based in Calabar,Nigeria and tweets via @awedadamilola

THE PARTNER YOU WANT

Good day, This has been a long time coming and a feel this needs to be done in other to clear the air and erase some irrefutable controversies.

MAN
Firstly, a man without a vision is not fit to live. A man without a vision of the kind of wife he wants is even worse. Marriage is a very delicate institution which is a lifelong commitment and which needs not to be dealt with kid’s glove. A man or woman’s purpose been achieved relies on the marriage he has… a statistics conducted a few years back showed that 80% of people who made it to the peak of their endeavors were in good and perfect marriages and went on to say that most career flops had links to bad divorces or unhealthy marriage. According to Fela Durotoye, the three types of men are:
• The Scavenger : The scavenger is a man who capitalises on a “dead” and “lifeless” woman. Scavengers look for women with low self – esteem, filled with pity and act like victims of life. These men prefer ladies with no inner strength that are always begging for sympathy or for someone, anyone to love them. Scavengers enjoy “no resistance” as they ravage their victims.
• The Hunter: The hunter seeks to trap a luscious “game”, with the sole intention of devouring her; with only a remnant of a carcass. He looks for a beautiful intelligent woman, whom he considers to be a prize possession. This guy isn’t in the hunt, just to fulfill his desires, no, he’s after what hunters regard as “BIG GAME”. He’s looking for the “Big 5”. These are the 5 most difficult animals to catch on foot. The collection consists of the lion, the African elephant, the African Buffalo, the leopard and the rhinoceros, either the black rhinoceros or the white rhinoceros. The members of the big five were chosen for the difficulty in hunting them.
• The Gardener: Now, this is God’s intention for what a husband should be! This man sees his wife as a seed. He recognises that a seed is a tree in disguise! His responsibility is to nurture and bring out the best from her. He is a GROOMSMAN. One of the things a gardener does is to create the right environment for the seed to grow. He teaches her, watches her to grow and be the best husband he can be. Looks at his wife’s vision and nurtures it patiently. Another thing the gardener does is to prune her. Pruning means to “cut back”. So he cuts back her excesses. It reminds me of those wall plants that grow so long, over other fences and eventually becomes a nuisance to everyone. Sometimes, cutting back is a painful process to the plant, but it is necessary for the plant to develop the tenacity for explosive growth. He cuts excessive, improper behaviour, value systems and friendships. But this in all is done in love with the aim to make her better. He enlightens and encourages her to be all that she can be, to do all that she can do and to enjoy all that she can have.

WOMEN:
An important notion I will like to dispel is a man/woman waiting for the ‘perfect one’ even in the face of one being unfit for that. Both should aim to be the perfect complement to another. I shall briefly state some attributes which are not bogus and hard to meet.

1.)    ARE YOU THE RIGHT WOMAN?
What kind of wife would your dream husband be looking for?
Single ladies,please remember that as a woman thinks in her heart, so she “is”; not “will be”. Simply put, your thoughts, values, habits and words can tell any man, the kind of wife that you “are”, even though you are not married yet. Don’t wait to be a good wife but start to be a good wife in your thoughts, actions, ambitions and preparations.
Ladies, please recognise that “guys DATE chics and then go on to MARRY wives”. If the truth be told, there are too many Christian chics and too few Christian wives (or “wife material”) today. Ask yourself, “Am I a chic or a wife?” Who must I BE to attract who I WANT. Sister, the man of your dreams isn’t hanging around in a bar or at a club, so what are you doing there?

2.)    YOU ARE WHO YOU ATTRACT…I’M SERIOUS

Write down the list of qualities that you want your husband to have. Now look at that list carefully. What have you written? God fearing, Intelligent, Good Communicator, Gainfully employed, Clean, Fun, has a car, apartment, has money etc.
Now, ask yourself, does your list consist more of “what he has” or “who he is”? If it’s driven by what he has, then, you may be driven by the external props and anybody can fake that. “Sharp” guys can borrow their friends’ cars, apartment, money etc..lol but the intangible of “who he is” cannot be faked. Character, truth, integrity, passion can’t be faked. If you want a God fearing man, ARE YOU GOD FEARING? If you want an intelligent man, ARE YOU INTELLIGENT? You want a man who’s gainfully employed, DO YOU HAVE A JOB?…..think on this well.

3.)    ARE YOU AMBITIOUS?

This is a very important- yet often ignored question, most ladies believe their lives begin when they get married but in truth: Your life has actually begun long ago…Marriage is just a continuity of it. I took a survey weeks back by asking a few female friends where they picture themselves in 5 years time…most just pictured themselves married and nothing else. The truth is that an unambitious or unfocused woman would NOT be respected by men/ her husband. Men always value focused and SUBMISSIVE women (emphasis mine). And going back to the 3rd point “YOU ARE WHO YOU ATTRACT’.

Your Friend,
Dami Cole
@dami_cole