I’m getting Married!

I’m getting Married!

OK,
Let me introduce you all to the future Mrs Dami Cole…. She’s our delectable contributor lead editor on this blog. Fomerly Miss Damilola Aweda is formally tying the knot with me on December 6th, 2014 in Lagos, Nigeria.
Venue : The Redeemed Christian Church of God, Lagos Province 25 headquarters, Otunba Runsewe Avenue, Ahmadiyah busstop, Lagos- Abeokuta expressway, Lagos at 10:00am.
The Reception follows immediately at La occassionz event centre, Oko-oba.Lagos

So we have a few Pre-wedding pictures which we decided to do.

They were by Youngbishop

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The Prewed Video

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The Auguries – Leke Alder

I stumbled on this writeup by Leke Alder and feel the need to share it. Feel free to comment.

Dear Jack
The Auguries
Posted 06-09-2014

Dear Jack, I honestly don’t get it. You fell in love with this lovely girl. You’ve dated her for years now and thinking of marriage. And then your mum “took her name” to the Pastor who “examined the matter” spiritually and declared the marriage accursed.

Based on this strange progression, you’ve decided to break up your relationship. Your mum, of course, is recommending another girl… “from a very good family”. “We know them well,” she says. I don’t even know where to begin! There are so many issues lumped together. Let me address the doctrinal issues first.

I think people sometimes mistake Christianity for traditional African religion. They are obviously different. The practice of “spiritual examination” of suitability of marriage partner by a pastor has no basis in Christianity. I don’t know where the practice came from. Can you point to one instance or one case study in scriptures? Once you take your life outside the word of God you’re on your own. And that’s a dangerous place to be. No coordinates. You’re a Christian. If it’s not in the Bible don’t subject your life to it, no matter how popular.

And you’re confused about the Old and New Testaments. In the Old Testament the prophets consulted God on behalf of the people. In the New Testament, God democratized his Spirit in man and gave everyone access through Jesus. You have direct access to God. Why are you going to the Pastor as intermediary agency on choice of marriage partner? You already have a faithful High Priest in Jesus Christ. He’s your intermediary. These practices are not biblical. I’m not saying your pastor can’t counsel you, or pray for you on choice. No, don’t misinterpret the import of my letter. Neither am I saying that your pastor can’t warn you against perceived danger in the ordinary course of life.

I’m talking about asking the pastor to consult the auguries like a voodoo doctor in traditional African religion. I’m saying EMPHATICALLY that transposing traditional African belief system into Christianity is NOT biblical. Your pastor is under-shepherd. Jesus is the Chief Shepherd, the Great Shepherd and the Good Shepherd. Ever read in the gospels where anyone went to Jesus to “spiritually examine” the suitability of a spousal candidate? He wouldn’t even get involved in settling issues of inheritance. And did his apostles ever do such a thing? That a pastor made your spousal choice for you or endorsed it doesn’t give it any leverage before God. This is a hard saying.

The ecclesiastical imprimatur doesn’t guarantee success either. You still have to work on your marriage. What I’m saying may not be popular, and I know it goes against the grain of practice in some locals but truth is truth. And when we modify the truth of the Gospel we create consequential traditions of men. If you can cite scripture for these practices I’ll be most grateful.

And please no generic stretches of credulity. This is not saying you shouldn’t ask for blessing on your marriage from church. We’re talking about choice. If you think you’re not spiritually developed enough to make certain decisions, there’s a scriptural shade: “The integrity of the upright shall guide them,” Proverbs 11:3 says. Just do things with integrity of heart. God will hold you responsible for your marriage however your choice comes about. It’s your responsibility. When people choose a bride for you and you acquiesce, it’s still your choice. You gave them power of attorney. And this takes us to the larger issues.

You want to marry but you vacate your responsibilities for your mum. Isn’t this the same mum you’re supposed to leave to be joined to your bride? Or are the scriptures in vain? “Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh.” If you can’t even choose a bride for yourself how can you fulfill this biblical injunction? I see your mum dominating your marriage and that makes me sorry for whomever you marry. How can your mum choose a bride for you?! How can you allow anybody choose a bride for you? They don’t know you! They know ABOUT you, they don’t know you, and can’t know you.

There are the intimacies of heart no one can know except you. Your mum and your pastor can’t know. 1 Corinthians 2:11 says: “For what person perceives, knows and understands what passes through a man’s thoughts except the man’s own spirit?” Your mum thinks she knows what’s best for you. Why, are you kindergarten? Haven’t you outgrown your breeches? What does your mum know about your hidden thoughts – the kind of woman you want, your sexual fantasies… Your mum is looking for someone she can control; doesn’t realize you’re trying to avoid someone like her. She thinks she’s the quintessential wife; yet your dad knows better, and you know better too.

Anecdotal evidence is often cited about the success of the old ways – when parents chose a bride for their son. In those days, a family would post a photo of a bridal prospect to their son in the city, or say studying in England. Based on the visual presented, and relying on the judgment of his parents the son took a bride. What I often hear is that this old method was efficacious in producing successful marriages. Really? Funny how people bandy syllogistic conclusions without statistical premises. We often cite orphan “facts”. So, all those men who married second wives… who are they? To what generation did they belong? All those battered and abused women… women who hung on to marriage “for the sake of the children”… Whose wives were they? And all those men who fathered children extra wedlock… I guess they came from Mars! And all those bitter and unhappy children… some have sworn never to marry… Who produced them?

Of course some of the marriages succeeded. The laws of probability dictate some MUST. But there were also catfishes. Solomon says, ‘“Don’t long for “the good old days?” This is not wise’. You can’t make a marriage decision based on someone else’s judgment and determination. It is not wise. Your spouse is going to live with you, not them. When something goes wrong, all you’ll hear is, “We thought she was ok.” And they will say it with exaggerated pursed lips and a sad face, to the accompaniment of a resigned hand gesture.

If I seem a tad brusque in this letter, understand. You’re setting yourself up for unhappiness, depression and regrets. If this girl is as you described in your letter she’s worth fighting for. Your mum doesn’t know what you know.

All I’m saying young man, Take responsibility for your life!

Your mentor,

LA.

© Leke Alder 2014

Accepting Changes

Accepting Changes

I remember during the third semester of my MBA program I studied a course called “Organizational Leadership & Change”, I loved the course a lot and I was able to point fingers at people in my office as I read different chapters but as they say ‘it is always easy to see people’s fault but tougher to see yours’.

A topic that caught my attention in the course work, the topic emphasized on various reactions to change and I thought to myself ‘I’m an agent of change mehnnnn (sic)”, “I love change”, “I’m change personified”. This was until I met ‘change’ starring at me in the face and my reactions was so hilarious I then recalled all I read in the course, so I just want to share some lessons I learnt during the period of change in my organization.

Sit back relax and enjoy the story.

On the 13th of August, a few of us at my workplace got called into the Manager’s office to receive letters and I can picture everyone had it on their mind “mehnnnn my promotion letter is here” . But to our greatest surprise we were been redeployed to other duties/department, initially I was like “this cannot be possible” while some people were dancing for joy; some others were crying and some people started searching for numbers of their contact persons at the head office loolllll (OGAs at the top).

I got my letter, looked at it and was like “hmmmmm God has a reason for everything but I was not too happy”. In fact after I got the letter I remembered the MBA course on “Organizational Leadership & Change” and I said to myself “babe cheer up, aren’t you are a change agent? then it became clear to me it is very easy to look out the window and judge people when you are not in their shoes.

I went through four stages before I could accept the change, funny enough these were the same thing we learnt in class, scoffed at and say nah it can’t be me am a change agent.

STAGE 1- DENIAL

I was in denial for almost 5 hours, I was hoping a mistake was made, maybe my department was not meant to be affected, maybe if I pray something will happen, I had so many maybes running through my head and what did I achieve by the maybes, pounding headaches and unnecessary anger, after a while I said to myself. This takes us to the next stage.

STAGE 2- COMING IN TERMS WITH CHANGE

The next day I started accepting the change, then my thoughts changed to well maybe I will like the new duty, maybe this is an open door for me, maybe am coming here to fulfill a particular aspect of God’s plan for me, lol we can see that the maybes still continue which means the headache and anger were still in me but reducing, little by little the anger started fading.

STAGE 3- ACCEPTANCE

Before Friday, I noticed a difference in me I started feeling better even enjoying the idea of the change, by the time I went to meet the person handing over to me and showed a little of her duties I smiled to myself and thought “ahn ahn why u wan come kill yourself since”. Can you imagine I’m being moved to a place I never thought I would enjoy but am having a great time here and am actually glad we were re-shuffled.

So what is the moral lesson in the entire story u might ask (lol), change at first may not look too good or may not be as you planned but you only achieve your goals and desire when you learn to embrace change, move forward and look back at the old and be glad you left it behind.

I know better now how to handle change, change may not come only at work but it cuts across all aspects of our lives, we can experience changes in our relationships, spouses, and friends.

We all have gone through

Every stage of our life comes with changes to contend with and the earlier we learn to embrace change the easier it will be for us to move forward.

There is a saying that CHANGE IS THE ONLY CONSTANT THING IN LIFE

——Dami Aweda
@awedadamilola

WHY DO SINGLE LADIES LOVE MARRIED AND COMMITTED MEN?

Chris BAMIDELE

single ladies married guys

I am sure there must be something about a married man, or a guy who has got a committed relationship for that matter, because ladies seem to prefer these guys to the ones who are single and not committed at all. One would think maybe such women who knowingly court married men are greedy, or maybe it’s the fact that the men are unavailable that make them so appealing, or just that women love to just be in competition over men. Or is it because a man who is already taken is more experienced? Is he seen as able to commit more? Is he more desirable because another woman has pre-screened him? Is it that the food on someone else’s plate always looks tastier? Or maybe if someone else wants him or has him already, he must be worth wanting. But whatever the reason or the answer may be, married…

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What We Can Learn From The Japanese Game (culled from Ofilispeaks.com)

So after Holland upset Spain in their group B opener, lots of people (actually it was just one person) told me to write an article similar to my David Moyes and Jose Mourinho articles … discussing lessons that could be learned from the Spanish loss. But I did not write anything because to me there was really no lesson to be learned. It was just one game and you can’t really learn much about a soccer team or nation with just one game 

That’s what I thought until I watched the Ivory Coast versus Japan game and then contrary to the above, decided to write an article titled What We Can Learn From The Japanese Game.

In that game Ivory Coast inspired by Drogba came from 1 goal behind and headed 2 quick goals past the Japanese defense in the space of less than 2 minutes to win the game. But what I learned had nothing to do with the action of the field, it had nothing to do with the way Drogba inspired Ivory Coast without actually scoring, it had nothing to do with the way Honda roared with passion after sending a rocket to the back of the net or the great way both teams battles. In fact it has nothing to do with the any of the players on the field. It has to do with the Japanese supporters off the pitch.

Supporters who after the loss, did what no other country supporters do at World Cups… they bent down with their blue trash bags and began cleaning the litter off the ground and into their bags.

But this is not the first time Japan has done something like this. Time and time and again they have been known to be respectful to themselves and their surroundings. And that respect has somehow transcended from beyond the Japanese classrooms/homes and into every aspect of Japanese life. Even in a foreign land miles away from home the Japanese are consistent with their attitude.

It’s not like we don’t teach respect in Nigeria, we do, but somehow our way of flogging/yelling at kids to submission is not working. It does not transcend to other aspects of life beyond NYSC camps and classrooms, in fact it virtually disappears.

Maybe we can learn something from the Japanese … that even in a loss while other countries are complaining (including myself) they instead ensure that they are respecting their surroundings. That is powerful and that is something worth emulating. Go Blue Eagles Samurai!

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Nigeria: One day we will be pushed to the wall, one day we will (Volume One)

My view on news that made headlines this week:
It was disheartening going through the headlines this week, all news seems to be really annoying and infuriating. They include:
The 237 kidnapped Nigerian girls: Today marks 67 days since the kidnap of some girls from Chibok, Borno state. They had sat for an examination and ended up being kidnapped by the ferocious Boko Haram sect. The government keeps mud-slinging and playing politics with the lives of their citizens. The primary role of government is the security of lives and property.
Ekiti elections: The political class in Nigeria has always being characterized by its intrigues and antics. Every aspirant irrespective of his level of education goes haywire and beserk during the electioneering process. Incidences of assault, accusations and counter-accusations have been the order of the day. Yet the citizens don’t learn lesson, they trade votes for foodstuffs, money and other materials. The government of the day uses security apparatus to molest its oppositions.
Mohammed Abacha and N432bn charge acquittal: During the week, the son of the late Head of State – Sanni Abacha had charges dropped against him in respect of the loot. His purported gubernatorial ambition at Kano is enough reason for this. This shows the high level of commitment of the government towards fighting corruption.
Bode- George’s wife named as Director-general of NDLEA : I saw the news as a joke at first but on confirmation I was distraught. She is the wife of an ex-convict who was charged of embezzling funds as the chairman of the Nigerian Ports Authority (also a regulatory body). Only time will tell what worse news we should expect.
436 northerners conveyed in about 40 buses were arrested earlier this week in Abia state for being suspected members of the dreaded Boko haram group. The news was received with joy at various sections of the country as it seemed like the country has started bracing its security even as a kingpin was said to be arrested. But the real truth is that this might just be the case of ethnic profiling in which people of a particular group/race are authomatically assumed to be the same.
      This needs to be checked in order to forestall incidences of reprisal/genocide at its worst case scenario.

Many thanks to my motivation – My boo for inspiring me to write this column today.